This one was a long time coming. For those of you that have been following me since the beginning of my blogging career, you have all read my story about our loss of our twin boys Hunter and Chance at 23 weeks in utero. To say it was life changing is putting it mildy.
I have been searching for a while, which I have recently let go of and just accepted it for what it was.
Side note: Imagine that, I stopped obsessing about it, and all of the sudden so much came through!
Prior to losing our boys, I was a really energetic enthusiastic person. For so long I have wished that I could go back to being that same person.
I lost that person.
I seemed to have become tainted in a way.
This week I was doing some personal and business work with my mentor and something in me clicked. Prior to our loss, I was not what you call a "conscious" person. I didn't have the tools that I now have to look within. This process didn't happen over night. It was gradual. The path I was on prior was a fine path, but a live for the weekends type. I didn't do a lot of self work, and I certainly didn't have the daily rituals that are set up now.
I didn't realize that I had the answers within me, and possibly that was a good thing at the time.
Looking back, I had a lot of "feelings" that something wasn't right.
I have always had this I wish I was that same untainted person, but now I realize that I love the person I am now. I have learned so much in this self realization. I have come to know myself more than ever. Andi now I have the tools to teach this to my children and other moms along the way.
I would never say I'm grateful for it or thankful that it happened, but I certainly wouldn't be right here. I'm accepting my path and knowing it is mine. I am connected to God, the angels, the universe, and myself more than ever.
That I am grateful for.