I had a huge epiphany today. I've been doing a ton of meditating, soul searching, praying, and self work to come more in tune with who I am, my purpose, and just to be more happier. Let me tell you, it's a lot of work. The phrase "what you resist the most, you need the most." Has definitely rang true these passed few weeks, as I seem to avoid meditating, yoga, journaling etc but it's what I need to the most. I've had a lot to work through that I don't think I ever truly did, but I feel is necessary to attain new break throughs. So I have really been working on becoming more aware of my surroundings, and where God is leading me and the signs that he is giving me. I recently finished the book The Go Giver. If you haven't read this yet, please do so. You can thank me later. I listened to mine on audible. Click here for a free 30 day trail, which will land you a free book!! It talks a lot about giving without looking for an outcome. It's a pretty incredible book, but my biggest take away, because for me giving isn't the issue, it's receiving. Yes, I can receive a compliment, and take gifts when given to me, but I'm talking about natural cyclical giving. I resist for no reason other than not thinking I'm worthy of it.
We were on our way to the post office, and on our way, Little K mustered up this idea of wanting to go to a car wash. Her mind is always thinking and when I told her yes, you would have thought we were going to an amusement park--another lesson in itself. I found a car wash at a local gas station, and when you purchase the car wash you get $.07 off of each gallon of gas, so naturally I filled up my tank and purchased the car wash. Of course, the machine wasn't working, and I had to get the receipt inside the gas station with the code on it. I was pretty annoyed that I had to drag both kids into the gas station, but I've been working on going with the flow, so I took a deep breath and took them in to get the receipt. Of course, wouldn't you know it, Little K ran over the snack/candy section and started poking around. I left my wallet in the car, so I told her she couldn't get anything. I don't like her having a ton of candy or unhealthy snacks, but kids will be kids, and treats here and there, to me are fine. A man standing behind me, looked at me and said "What does she want?? I'll get her something." I immediately looked at him and said, "No. Thank you so much though." He said, "I just won a lottery ticket and would love to." I continued to say, "No thank you." Little K was fine, as she didn't hear the conversation, but when I got in the car, I wasn't fine.
I thought to myself, why did I just do that?? A nice man wanted to do something for a sweet 3 year old. It would have made her day, it would have taught her about nice gestures to strangers, and random acts of kindness. And I stopped the cycle of giving and receiving. I sat in my car and thought about this for a while. I do this so much in life. I have a very hard time accepting help, accepting when someone offers me something. Even as far as someone offering me to go in front of them in line at Target when I'm with my two kids. Why? I'm not quite sure! But I do know that I'm breaking the cycle of giving and receiving. I'm not allowing good to come into my life the way it should. I'm stopping the flow. Receiving is the natural result of giving, in face every giving can only happen with receiving, so why do we resist this so much?
I think as women, we have this we can do it all mentality. Then we become moms, and we think we have to do it all. When someone offers to do something nice, take it up. Don't stop receiving. Give and you shall receive, right?? You are worth it. Even just becoming aware of it is a step in the right direction. We know we can't change over night, but we do know that we are always a work in progress. The next time someone offers to do something accept without hesitation and continue the flow, instead of shutting it down.
Do you have a hard time receiving? What would happen if we just continued the flow of life and started receiving what was offered to us?